Last updated on December 6th, 2025 at 03:15 am
The Procession to Calvary – Adventure Game Review
The Procession to Calvary is a Adventure/Puzzle game from Akupara Games, LLC, first launched in 11th December 2020.
It’s rated 17+ and currently has 45+ ratings on the App Store.
What Makes The Procession to Calvary Stand Out
Pilfer from pirates, conspire with cardinals and perform miracles with an incompetent magician. The Procession to Calvary is a Pythonesque adventure game made from Renaissance paintings, and a spiritual successor to the critically acclaimed Four Last Things.
Huzzah! The holy war is over! Your oppressors have been vanquished, the churches of the Old God lay in ruin and thousands of innocent people have been murdered! But it's not all good news; the tyrant Heavenly Peter has escaped your clutches, and you have been tasked with the mission of finding him…
Your journey will take you through a richly detailed landscape built from hundreds of different Renaissance paintings. You will steal a ship, feed a donkey, compete in a talent contest, assist an inept street magician, sing, dance, laugh, poke a man's face, hunt for treasure and have a chat with Our Lord God Almighty… But will you find Heavenly Peter? And if you do, how will you take your revenge!?
Features:
Pointing and Clicking – A traditional point and click interface, with a 'verb coin' interaction menu and a simple inventory from which you can drag and drop your preciously hoarded items.
Renaissance Artwork – Paintings by Rembrandt, Botticelli, Michelangelo and many more are brought together into one consistent world, in a way that is also as sympathetic as possible to the original works.
Classical Music – a soundtrack selected to fit with the style of the artwork. Music from classical composers such as Vivaldi, Bach and George Frideric Handel will accompany you on your journey.
Standalone Story – The Procession to Calvary is set in the same world as Four Last Things, but it's story can be played independently.
Optional Murder – You will be equipped with a sword. This will become useful in a number of different situation, but you will be strongly discouraged from using it on people. Ignoring this advice – and murdering anyone who stands in your way – will serve as a useful method of skipping any puzzles you don't like. But be warned; your actions might come back to haunt you…
Nonsense – Surreal, anarchic comedy. Lofty subject matter is treated with refreshing flippancy. Gags about butts are taken very seriously. But rest assured, while some of the jokes may be ridiculous, the puzzles make perfect sense! (or at least adhere to a consistent internal logic)
Moments of Surprising Profundity – Actually, no… Don't read too much into it.
This Adventure game offers engaging gameplay and regular updates for mobile players.
Player Feedback
As a newer release, The Procession to Calvary is building its player community. Early feedback suggests .
Recent Updates & Development
Latest Update: 11th December 2020
Download & Availability
The Procession to Calvary is available through the official App Store for iOS devices.
Get The Procession to Calvary on App Store
Requirements: Requires iPhone 5s / iPad Air / iPad Air (Cellular) / iPad Mini 2 (Retina) / iPad Mini 2 (Retina, Cellular) / iPhone 6 / iPhone 6 Plus / iPad Air 2 / iPad Air 2 (Cellular) / iPad Mini 3 or later.
Compatible with iPhone and iPad devices.
Player Experience Highlights
Community Insight:
We love these games so much plz PLZ MAKE MORE.
This game was feckin hilarious but also quite crude if thats not your thing. Great puzzles, killer dialogue, lots of historical references for the attentive player. Had some insight on the nature of power underneath all the fart jokes.
These games are hilarious and beautifully crafted! More! More.
Ive played both games now, and all we can say is more! More. MORE!!!! Please make more games! Pretty please.
Another excellent game and all the elements we love! Classical painting, 4th wall breaking, murder and skunks! Keep them coming, gang. We are hungry for more.
If you like art, Monty Python, and LOLling, you will like this game. We love love love love loved it.
Get this game. No wait. Get their first game Four Last Things, play that then get this. You will appreciate this advice and the characters come back for a visit in The Procession to Calvary. We love how you had to work at the puzzles but somehow we never got frustrated because we were laughing non-stop. Joe Richardson, you are amazing.
This game used the mechanics of old Sierra games with a beautiful mix of Dutch and Italian paintings. Really beautiful. The dialogue is really quite witty and the puzzles are good. Overall game play is smooth and the whole thing is straight up fun. Well done and well worth the money.
Some of the puzzles are way too difficult, but that is life. The Procession to Calvary really is an extraordinarily good game.
The font choice is unfortunate. It really hampers the game to read a very unpleasant font in yellow on tanjust why.
Shuts down when we try and enter the theater.
User feedback from Apple App Store
App Details
- Version: 1.0
- Size: 2,272.87 MB
- iOS: 9.0 or later
- Languages: EN
- Content Advisory: Infrequent/Mild Sexual Content and Nudity, Infrequent/Mild Alcohol, Tobacco, or Drug Use or References, Frequent/Intense Cartoon or Fantasy Violence, Frequent/Intense Mature/Suggestive Themes, Frequent/Intense Profanity or Crude Humor
- Developer: [Akupara Games, LLC]()
Last updated: 11th December 2020 | Genre: Adventure, Puzzle | Developer: Akupara Games, LLC